Being on the brink of adding another year under your belt can set you in all types of feels. For some strange reason, I got a really strong inclination to go through one of my journals earlier this week. I obliged the tugging and stumbled upon some timely nuggets I wrote 5+ years ago that gave me the needed dose of hope to trudge through the gloominess in the air.
Quite recently I’ve been feeling very, very pensive. The type of mood that leads to the “What is my purpose?” “Am I on the right path?” “Am I making the right moves in the right season?” kind of questions. It’s tough! Especially when uncertainty makes you feel anxious and insecure. Thankfully, I serve a God who always knows the reminders I need at just the right time to set me straight.
Today’s post is for my sister who’s struggling with the weight of “what ifs”. It’s for my sister who hasn’t fully (or partially) figured out a career path, job interest, school options or life in general as yet – you’re not abnormal. Managing the weight of decision making can bring with it, a measure of sobriety, if we dissecct the mammoth feeling and underpin root causes.
As I went through my journal all I thought was “Boyyyy, was I a dreamer!” As I read, I marveled at the lady I was 5+ years ago. Writing big hopes and dreams of an untold futrue. I found myself asking – “what happened to this person? Where did she go?” Honestly, I’ve overcome some tricky challenges in my short life, as I’m sure you’ve done too, but I haven’t always felt like a champ. I’m guilty as charged for forgetting about the small victories and thinking quite lowly of the mountains I managed to turn into molehills all with a little gut and the help of God.
Quite frankly, I believe that prompting to look into my journal was to remind me of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. Especially at the brink of another year of life, 3 years from 30 to be exact 😂. A reminder to that we ought to take note of the small victories regardless of how insignificant they may seem and press forward with the goals at hand.
A Call To Remembrance
That prompting led me to highlight and underscore some plans I tucked away because I got scared they wouldn’t come to pass, scared that the dream was too big for “wee ol’ me” – launching this blog included. Flipping through the journal pages reminded me of bruises and pain that I now have battle scars to show as evidence of survival. Although I didn’t really like that part initially, recalling the memory also reminded me about how strong I finished.
Reading each line served as a reminder that some of the blessings I currently possess are things I prayed for years earlier. Some of these things I am still contending for, but in due course all will be revealed. It was a real moment where I came face to face with the weight of anxiety and felt as though I could tackle it from the root, so I did.
This is a short note to remind you that life can be a bed of roses sometimes, but the thorns aren’t sold separately. As beautiful as the roses are they grow among thorns. As beautiful as you are, life gets messy sometimes, and you won’t always have the answers.
There’s a phenomenon that says, the moment we feel weakness we have to fight it off with all the strength we can muster up, because we gotta be strong! But it’s okay to feel weakness and it’s even better to pay attention to what the weakness is indicating so that you can work through and past it. It’s okay to acknowledge the magnitude of all you are to become because you are destined to do life-changing things. What’s critical is the action(s) you take after. I decided to take my highlighter and give the journal a makeover. There were some things in there just waiting to come alive and I have the keys to unlock the doors.
So what does memory lane look like for you? When last did you take a moment to push pause and recollect where you’ve been but more importantly, acknowledge the steps you’ve made? If you get a prompting to write your feelings down then do it, if you feel the need to revisit the pages of your journal do it. This is your call to action. The time has come to regroup and get back in the race!
Reset. Reflect. Radiate!
Can’t wait to see the greatness come out from you!