Marriage – 8 Weeks In & What We’ve Learnt

So… Chris and I have officially passed the 8-week mark of marriage – WOOHOO! 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽But let me tell y’all it has been quite a journey already. Here are a few things we’ve learned so far that may help you too – you’re welcome! 😁

1. Marriage doesn’t = automatic perfection.  

Chris and I had a tussle…on our wedding night…about the most frivolous thing [VLOG about this later] and it wasn’t anticipated. Looking back at it now we both laugh at how everything unfolded but the lesson here for all the newer newbies (’cause we still new to this) is that you two are literally still trying to walk this thing out. It’s like a toddler who is now learning to walk, a few steps here and there but a couple falls between. And NO you do not have all the answers, so yes you may lock horns a couple times even if on the wedding night.👀 You’ll be alright but it’ll be critical, that you’re honest and sensitive toward each other as you start this new journey.

2. In sickness and in health does not have a time frame.

Chris got sick on our honeymoon with a terrible stomach bug – IT. WAS. HORRIBLE. He caught it the day before we were due to fly back home and we were up the entire night hurling over a toilet bowl – well more him hurling and me wiping his tired face, my poor baby! But be prepared to take care of your partner. There should be a level of understanding that will cause you to be gracious since spoke in the wheel of life can happen at any time. Was I anticipating nursing a sick pumpkin at any stage within the first few weeks of marriage? Nope! But when the reality of wife hit me, and I realized when we got back home that my sweet darling was not going home to his mommy and daddy but he was surely heading home to me, in our house, for me to doctor him up – IT GOT REAL! We were literally 7 days in and I was still trying to figure out how to wife – yet I had become a doctor, wife, mom, dad, stomach rubber, face wiper, medicine fetcher [ insert every other comforting action needed for a sick husband ]. Which reminds me, there are some essential things you really should pack in your honeymoon kit besides your lingerie hunny! Be sure to read a list I compiled right here.

3. The Wedding Day will have hiccups and it’s okay.

I dreamt of having the perfect sunny day in December, it’s usually nice and cool here in Barbados around that time of year.  But, the rain fell most of the morning and again in the afternoon just before the start time of our wedding resulting in a later start. I was determined not to be late, I was ready on time but then came the rain. In addition, when my bouquet arrived it wasn’t what I wanted so between the showers of nature and the bouquet homegirl was in tears – not the ultimate start to your wedding day right? Due to the rain, we didn’t have our entire reception outside as planned but the day was still so beautiful! I shared a few of our wedding photos in my ‘Why Did I Get Married Post’. So it’s okay, just breathe and pray – you’ll be alright! Some other things went downhill that we didn’t even notice on the day but we were privy to after talking with some attendees lol..

4. Take your time. Don’t be in a rush to make everything “perfect”.

If you guys managed to unpack and move house before the wedding – great! But if not, spend the next couple weeks doing the tasks together. Once you’ve got a sheet on your bed, a blanket to snuggle under and food to eat ( yes snacks count lol! ) it’ll be okay. Trying to have everything “perfect” in your house can create some tension, especially since you’re now trying to climatize to each other’s habits. Take one day and task at a time and with time, everything will fall into place. When we moved into our home, we were still living out of suitcases for at least the 1st month  🙈. With Chris being ill and all there was only so much that could’ve been done and we got around to it eventually. And oh, you definitely want drapes for your windows because married people tings. 😏

5. Ladies – AVOID super wife mode.

Run from it like you would run from a plague. I’m not kidding, Super. Wife. Mode will creep up on you and if you’re not discerning it’ll overtake your body and lead to burn-out. And you don’t want burn-out because- a grumpy wife isn’t a pleasant personality. Yes, there’s a lot to get done but pace yourself and ask for help! I know we ladies like to “have it together” most times but there’s now someone special you can share the weight of responsibility and life with, in your husband. He’s eager to assist if you ask him, so please – ask for help. Plus! New husband, new home, new bed – plenty sex! Which leads me to my next point!

6. Intimacy really is a safe haven.

Loving your partner rightly will allow your body to intimately respond to them when it’s time to get saucy. Let’s not pretend, the first few weeks of marriage you’ll be swinging from chandeliers *cue SIA* so it’s essential that you are careful how you two talk to each other,  handle and resolve conflict and get along overall. Be sure to resolve swiftly! Silent treatment is a no no honey! Respect and love your man, and fellas, cherish your wife and acknowledge her efforts. Shutting down on your partner is a sure way to block intimacy from taking its natural course.

7. This new season is a teacher so take notes.

The next seasons of your journey together will draw from lessons taught during these early stages so be sure to have your notebooks out and get to writing! Chris and I have administrative meetings at least once a month to ensure that the affairs of our home are attended to. Admin meetings don’t have to be strict, but it’s a safe space to talk about what’s working, what isn’t and set objectives for the upcoming months ahead. I’d highly recommend you set an admin meeting at least every month to sit, chat and review.

8. Communication is more than speech.

Talk it out of course but watch your tone and body language. I ‘ve been working hard at expressing myself without having to raise my voice. Sometimes I get so passionate and I feel like the only way Chris hears me is if I raise my voice so he can understand. Turns out, that’s the head time he’s disconnected because all he hears is the noise of my voice, rather than what I’m trying to communicate. Disagreements will happen throughout your marriage but always try to stay present in the process without having to shout and carry on. Above all things, your husband has the need to feel respected.

9. Cover your partner at all times!

If the argument happened in the churchyard right before service, you better have a smile on your face and hold each other’s hand as you walk inside <- We’ve been here and done it too lol. HELLO! Don’t embarrass each other in public, leave the discussion for when you reach home in your safe space.

10. Finally, Stay accountable.

I didn’t think for a second that we’d be less accountable to our mentors after we got married. Truth is, I felt like we needed them more than ever after that first week lol! Though the consistency of mentorship may change, be sure to stay open to those whom you’ve given access to your life. The insight from the outside looking in could be the saving grace your marriage needs right in the nick of time!

You guys got this and you’ve got each other, Happy Loving!

shaQ💜

Photo Compliments TheMorganMedia